I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
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I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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