Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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