My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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