how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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