i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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