I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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