Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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