if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize