I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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