There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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