she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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