Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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