He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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