we're chasing vodka with high fives
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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