Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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