You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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