maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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