Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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