a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize