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Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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