we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize