I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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