Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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