You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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