I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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