PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize