I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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