Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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