Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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