i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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