i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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