I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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