Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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