you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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