ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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