eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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