just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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