forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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