; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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