They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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