Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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