I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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