even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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