Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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