I faked an abortion last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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