I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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