I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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