So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize