the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize