At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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